you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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