Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
