No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
