...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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