3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
North Korea, Best Korea!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
