Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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