Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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