Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize