i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
