you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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