He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
