1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
