We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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