Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
