Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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