my shit smells like andre
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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