he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
