Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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