ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
