that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
