My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
