You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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