she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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