i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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