so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
