cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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