i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
