It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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