Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who died my cat blue again?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
