so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
