bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
tell me about the fingering
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