I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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