oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
