i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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