I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
