i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just google imaged poop.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize