Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
