i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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