Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
