We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
