Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
