did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
