just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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