LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
