She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
