You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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