she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
