1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
