What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
