You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
