I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
