Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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