Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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