I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
