So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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