Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
