I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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