Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
