I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
