Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
