I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
