i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He did a backflip because drugs
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