Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
