his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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