He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
