It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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