I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
