I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
