i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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