ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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