just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
