just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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