What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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