It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
