HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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