I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
