nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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